Despite never feeling like I belong in Finland, I've found myself talking about it quite a lot in the past couple of weeks. I guess it's a type of homesickness.
I don't want to go back, the thought of rather being there than here never crossed my mind. What I mean is that I've already come to appreciate some of the things I used to take for granted there, and look back fondly at what I didn't like about it. I've educated people on clean-tasting tap water and effective bottle recycling, which apparently is not a thing here, and joked about how resistant Finns are to the idea of physical affection between friends and family. I know I am, at least!
I've fed my new friends salty liquorice and watched them cringe at the taste, I've made trips to Lidl to buy familiar brands even through Costcutter is closer, I've been delighted to meet fellow Finns on campus. I've come to realize that even though Finland didn't feel right for me, things weren't that bad.
This is not necessarily a negative thing, but it makes me feel quite ashamed. Up to now, I've thought that I'd never look back with any sort of affection or nostalgia, but I've already caught myself looking forward to going back home for Christmas. Damn it.
